Pain Still Runs Deep

The tour may be over but truth and reconciliation for many of the former students affected by Indian Residential Schools has yet to unfurl. The Remembering the Children Tour, organized by the National Chief of the Assembly of First Nations, along with spiritual leaders from the Anglican, Presbyterian and United Churches and representatives from the Roman Catholic Church, took place this past March in a multi-city tour with stops in Ottawa, Vancouver, Saskatoon and Winnipeg.

The Truth and Reconciliation Commission is an official independent body that will oversee a process to provide former students and anyone who is affected by the Indian Residential School legacy with an opportunity to share their individual experiences in a safe and culturally appropriate manner through statement taking or truth sharing.

“This is the opportunity for all of us to hear the voices of the children who attended residential schools, to listen to their stories and to learn (maybe for the first time) of the impact that residential schools have had on Canada’s First Nations, Inuit and Métis communities,” says David MacDonald, the United Church’s special advisor on residential schools and one of the organizers of the leaders’ tour. 

The tour also aims to raise awareness about the work of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and will help to educate Canadians about the legacy of residential schools and the impacts of colonization on Aboriginal people and their communities.

Elaine MacNeish, a member of The Evangelical Fellowship of Canada’s Aboriginal Ministries Council, participated in the Winnipeg leg of the tour and sat down with her mother, a residential school survivor, to revisit the emotionally painful journey.

The following interview, conducted between Elaine and Nadine Agbedetse, EFC’s ministry partnerships services coordinator, seeks insight into a tragedy that still deeply affects her mother.

What is your personal connection with the residential schools?

My mother spent eight to nine years in the Anglican Residential Boarding School in Pelican Falls, Ontario. Her five siblings were also part of this ordeal.    

Why should this event be important to all Canadians?

Canadians should know about the pain and suffering of the Aboriginal people to help the next generation with the problem of racism. This truth should also be recorded in Canadian history books, through our educational system in Canada, as an accurate account of what happened to our people. It is unfortunate with these kinds of events that when they are over they are forgotten. I feel it may be the same with this event. A society should never forget their tragedies, lest they happen again.   

Why do you feel so many survivors still suffer from such emptiness and disillusionment?

I asked my mom this question and she became silent. This "emptiness" we speak about began to surface in her so strongly that I myself could feel it. It was like she didn't even know it existed deep in her soul, but the reality of it poured through her, in very few chosen words. 

"I don't know why,” she said.  "I don't know why so many still suffer."

As I listened to my mother I realized that she didn't even know her own pain, and the tone in her voice changed to a childlike humility.... innocent. She said, "I don't know why this happened to us." 

As mom continued to speak to me, I began to feel the sorrow that was inside of her and the truth of what happened to her and her siblings hit me like a ton of bricks! It became very real to me, almost like it happened to me as well. I realized that her pain was still fresh and that she had tucked it away in a place where she didn't want to go. The reality of what actually took place for her and her siblings is beyond comprehension to me. I look to my own child, nieces and nephews and I think, How could something like this have happened? Being ripped from your parents arms while kicking and screaming, not knowing by whom and where you’re being taken. I can't even imagine this happening to me and my child.

Mom said, "...it left me feeling confused and when we got out we had to go on with our lives. We were used like child laborers and lots of the kids were sexually abused and beaten. What can you do? We were just kids. You just have to make the best of it and go on."  
 
 
What positive next steps can be taken towards reconciliation?

This is the million dollar question. I asked my mom this question and she responded: "It's over. We can't change it. We just have to live and let it go." 

Are there any prayer requests on behalf of the  Aboriginal Ministries Council that the Evangelical community can focus on in regards to issues and/or reconciliation?
 
As Christians we know that fervent prayer will move the heart of God. I believe that prayers of forgiveness must be prayed. I believe the Aboriginal people (one person at a time) need to forgive their oppressors and move forward with their lives. It doesn’t matter how old they are or how long they have lived with this pain, forgiveness will set them free, one person at a time. We as Christians know that true forgiveness can only come through the Spirit of God. It is the perfect work of the Holy Spirit that enables us to forgive far beyond the ability we have in our sinful human state. Our Aboriginal people need to know the lover of their soul. They need Jesus. 

My mother's final words: "Not everybody thinks the same way about what happened. Some of us want more to come out of this, and some of us don't even care anymore about it. For me...it's over and I lived my whole life. I'm ready to leave this life now and when I got my money, I thought it was finally over. I thought that's just how it ended and I don't want to think about this anymore ... I lost my culture a long time ago."