The Ultimate Catch: Are Young Men Truly Ready?To find your "true love" you need more than just to get the right "look" and the right "job." You need the right attitude of heart.
In Christian student circles, dating and courtship seem to dominate students' thoughts. Finding that one true love—the woman of their dreams—is the ultimate life's goal that takes up almost every young guy's time, resources (you'd better be the one paying) and especially his energy. Guys will spend every waking moment ensuring that every conversation they potentially have with a member of the opposite sex is pre-mediated and practiced in the confines of the shower. They make sure that every hair on their head is perfectly placed to catch the attention of that special someone. They work very hard to ensure that they have the right appearance, the right career path and the right life ambitions to attract the right women. However, beneath all of the outer layers, do our young men have the right hearts when it comes to dating and courtship?
We live in a society where we are bombarded with deceptive views of what being a man is all about. If a relationship does not work to our benefit, we feel it should be ended. Promiscuous sex is portrayed as acceptable and immediate sexual gratification a natural right. Our students are being taught by our society that being a good father means paying child support and scheduling time to spend with his children as long as it does not conflict with his busy schedule. Our young men are running away from responsibility and seeking only their selfish ambition.
Our young Christian men have it rough. So many of them desire to be men of integrity and sexual purity, but countless numbers of them seem to be falling into the traps of this world and of the enemy. The question for many male students is, "How do I go about living my life in a way that honours God, my future wife and shows my children the character of a godly man?" Although there are many answers to this question, we can focus on the primary issue. Becoming a man who honours God, his mate and a man who portrays a godly example to his children is a matter of the heart.
In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus, giving His sermon on the mount, says: "You have heard that it was said 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (ESV).
Jesus focused on preventative measures. The focus of this portion of the Scripture is not about adultery, but rather, lust. Christ is telling His disciples that the sins which are atrocious and hurtful begin within the heart of a man.
It is important that young men take the words of Christ seriously and begin to search their hearts. Uncontrolled lust as a young, single male is the true beginning of sexual unfaithfulness in future marriage relationships. If he does not trust God to help him deal with lust before he enters into a marriage covenant, then there is a much greater chance that he will allow the enemy and the world to tempt him into adultery after the vows are taken, dishonouring God as well as potentially devastating his marriage.
What is wonderful about this passage is that Christ not only tells His disciples what the origin of the problem is, He also teaches them practical means to overcome it. He says in verses 29-30: "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell." What is Christ saying here? That people should cut out of their lives whatever causes them to give in to their lusts.
You also need to find someone … to whom you can be accountable …
The question that young men across this nation need to ask themselves is: "What is causing me to give in to the lust of my flesh?" Each will have a different answer. However, the result must be the same: the need to get rid of it. If you are struggling with sexual purity, you need to take drastic measures to cut the source of your struggle out of your life as much as you can. With the help of the Holy Spirit, you can take the step of avoiding whatever opportunities there are to fall into temptation. This may mean destroying or discarding magazines, ending relationships, cutting off unsupervised internet activity, whatever it takes to help you get as far away from the devastating consequences of sexual sin as possible.
You also need to find someone (another godly man, if you are single) to whom you will be accountable so that you can continue to steer clear of danger. It is a small price to pay for avoiding eternal condemnation and having a closer walk with the Lord. He will honour you for your effort, and you can take comfort in knowing that you will be truly prepared for a lasting relationship that is based on genuine intimacy.
We are in dire need of strong young men who are not afraid to stand for integrity and sexual purity, men whose hearts long to honour their God and their future wives, and to be a godly example to their children. It is time that our young men become the leaders they were meant to be in our society and it is time for them to proclaim the good news of Christ through the actions in their lives, which will speak more loudly than words ever will.
Joshua Singh is a fourth-year Bible student at Summit Pacific College in Abbotsford, B.C. He is completing an internship as youth ministry pastor to senior high school students at Abbotsford Pentecostal Assembly.
Originally published in Testimony, April 2006.
Used with permission of author. Copyright © 2006 Christianity.ca.